When the past makes itself known
by SiaCatGirl
Summary: "Not all memories soften with time. Some grow edges, like knives." Garden Gray The, kind of headcanon-y.


_Now, let me have my revenge._

 _Everything you've created, every little thing… I will destroy._

 _It won't_ _be long._

 _..._

 _Hey… Etihw._

Blinding sunlight hurts the eyes. Heavy breathing sweeps over the bright spacious room.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In and out. And again.

Gray eyes wearily look up at the ceiling. The heart is pounding in the chest like crazy, like it's threatening to burst out at any given moment. Headache is splitting the head in half almost as if an ax was lodged in it. Each pulsating feeling echoes through with a sharp, piercing resonance. The black-haired god has to force themself up, their body suddenly heavy and rigid, like made out of lead.

The same nightmare. Those same memories that will never leave them alone.

Etihw puts a hand on their face, through the bangs covering the left eye. Breathing gradually slows down to normal. The pain is subsiding. Good. Having gotten out of bed, the god turns to the window for a bit. The sky is visible through it. The mesmerizing blue sky full of fluffy white clouds, with the sea splashing below, vast and azure, just as it should be.

...They weren't always so pretty, though.

Etihw shakes their head in an instant, hoping to shake off the unpleasant delusions. The night turned out to be terrible enough as is. The last thing on the god's mind was living through the painful remnants of the past yet again. No, what awaits him is just another bright sunny day in a world where angels and demons have no conflict worse that a friends' quarrel. And nothing is going to ruin it. Nothing.

And indeed, the new day didn't bring anything too out of the ordinary. It may seem like boring everyday life. But in its own way, it's soothing. Especially during moments such as this. The black-haired creator of this world, now sporting their usual attire - a shirt, vest, hoodie, pants, and shoes, - is merrily discussing something with their partner, Kcalb. All as they look out the window without a care in the world, propping their head up with an arm and humming something under their nose. The devil looks at them with a puzzled expression, asks what it is they're doing. As usual, Etihw shrugs it off with a small joke about getting losing their head in the clouds, not forgetting, of course, to slip a small comment about his partner's cute looks. And as usual, she looks away frowning, her cheeks red with embarrassment. A priceless reaction. They always found something funny, and just as adorable, in how Kcalb's pride caused the painfully shy devil to hide behind this passive-aggressive silence, sometimes peppering it with mild insults like "dummy" or "idiot". Even when angry, in this god's eyes, she will always remain cute.

All of a sudden, the giant door that leads from the spacious room to the no less spacious corridor opens with a nasty, but not entirely ear-shattering creak, making them both look at the newly-arrived guests. With a smile from ear to ear, the young green-haired demon Yosafire comes inside, along with his more calm and collected friend, blond angel Froze, both from the Gray Village. The demon is holding a big and probably heavy basket in his hands. As it turns out, inside is an apple pie. Once again, Dialo has made too many, so the company decided to share some with the Blancblack Castle residents. The demon was all in favor of the idea, while the angel that had to tag along didn't quite seem to share his enthusiasm. Nonetheless, Etihw is more than pleased with the unexpected visit, especially since they know Kcalb will appreciate the gift. Naturally, an apple pie is not the same as a chocolate cake, but she should still like it. There isn't a soul in the whole castle who's not aware how much of a sweet tooth this petite long-haired beauty possesses.

The god takes the basket from their young friend's hands, raises their head to thank him and Froze...

Memories come crashing like a tidal wave.

Blonde hair... Blue eyes... A gray coat... Their mind quickly draws long messy locks, a halo, bags under the eyes, an ashen scarf and a smile. It's nothing like Yosafire's, not a wide, warm and friendly one, but instead a thin, spiteful grin that can only spell trouble.

Pain. It's back again. Stronger than before. It throttles with a bony hand's iron grip, rips the head to shreds with long sharp claws. Corpses, desolate wastelands, pools of blood, everything flashes through the eyes once more. Screeching of metal grinding against one another, desperate calls for help hanging heavy in the ears... The world seems to disappear into the void, leaving behind wounds that time cannot heal.

They're brought back down to earth by the upset voices of the teens questioning Kcalb about Etihw's sudden shift in behavior. It doesn't take much time for the god to put on a happy-go-lucky mask and lightly laugh away the panic attack. They don't even notice the devil's features hardening, white eyes looking them over incredulously.

The past doesn't seem to leave them alone all day, wherever they go. Even now, in a long empty hallway, it keeps taking them back to those distant times, times of the Great War. Times they would much rather not recall. Too much pain. Too much suffering. Too many mistakes. They left a lot behind. But not everything can be forgotten. In the deepest corners of Etihw's most distant memories, their old self remains - stoic and ruthless, with little to no emotion in nearly lifeless gray eyes, with no hint of feelings on a white, practically stone-like face. A polar opposite of the present Etihw - far more open and laid-back, even with all the slacking. Sounds like two different creatures, two different gods. But they're both part of one whole, and they know it well.

They can't forget... They mustn't.

Must not live like nothing ever happened.

There's no such thing as omnipotent people. And those who call themselves that are just standard fools.

And back then they truly were a fool.

Much serves as a reminder. The sea one red with blood. The sky that was the battlefield for many a fight. The villagers' happy smiling faces.

Sherbet...

That angel girl from the memories. For a moment Etihw forgot her name but recalled it once more. Sherbet. Painfully familiar names keep crossing their mind again and again...

Sherbet. Ciel. Rigatoni.

Alas, the atrocious war took them all, leaving the few survivors with physical and mental scars to carry for the rest of their lives.

...Alela Grora hasn't always been this grumpy, actually.

They remember to this day the times when the angel was much more relaxed and at ease with both his subordinates and superiors. When he could truly smile and laugh...

They sometimes blame themself that Alela has changed so much, that Ater left him with without an eye. That Wodahs was also left without an eye, even though it was Kcalb's doing. They may be a bit scared of the head angel, but Etihw is also thankful to her. After all, she and Alela once fought on their side. And it was her who helped the god "wake up", as they like to put it, make the first step towards a truce, a world reborn, a better world, better than before.

It's a very good world now, they feel.

Except... for what happened to make it like this.

Etihw is also not without sin. Not pure "white". Their hands were also stained with the blood of others. In this regard, they were no different from Kcalb, who was a great deal more cruel and merciless back then. The war took too many lives... And left behind too much despair and sorrow.

...Whatever they would give to forget it all.

No. Never. The god threw much away already. Discarded so many old habits, pride that nearly made them lose everything they had, cut their hair, switched the snow white clothing and cape for a more casual hoodie and jeans, willfully refused nearly all of their powers. They just wanted change. They were fed up with the pain and destruction, with this conflict that lasted for who knows how long, with mistakes that were the direct consequence of their own ambition and stubbornness. Pride comes before the fall, as they say.

So comical... To keep hurting each other, forgetting why in the first place.

Every time they look at the sea, the sky, even their young friends - Yosafire, Froze, Macaroni, Rawberrya, Dialo, Chelan - the pain comes back, sharp, piercing like a spear, that doesn't allow to forget, to repeat the same foolishness that once became fatal for them all. War is something much too horrible to leave no trace in its wake. And so it didn't go without a trace for anyone.

With each new thought, with each memory, the headache grows in strength. Arms and hands burn as if set on fire, the world around is spinning. Feet can barely stand on the floor. Seems like just a bit more, and would completely faint...

Somebody's hand grabs them. A cold hand. Veins feel like they're laced with ice up to the shoulder. A voice. A female voice. A shout.

Eti.

...Yeah. That's their name. Eti. Etihw. They turn around in surprise and meet a pair of white eyes against a black sclera, filled with concern. In a strained voice, she asks if they're okay. They feel an involuntary twitch.

Was Kcalb really that worried about them?

It's like pain poofed into smoke. The god could feel the same cheerfulness with which they greeted the young guests this day come back to them. The devil yanks her hand away in an instant, turns to the side like she has nothing to do with it, nope, she was just passing by. But Etihw's not that easy to trick - they learned all too well her manners and habits during their time in the castle. Without missing a beat, they pick on her being worried about them after all. The little missy, as Yosafire likes to call her, doesn't get the meaning behind it straight away, but once she does, in the blink of an eye she hides her gaze under her bangs, blushing brighter and calling them an idiot for the Nth time.

Just as they expected.

Etihw bursts into laughter. It's loud but soft. For the first time this whole day, they genuinely laugh. Even the gruesome memories of war that tortured them from the inside just some moments ago dissipate from the joyful jingling of their voice. The white-haired devil is about to leave, but their hands reach for her on their own, hugging her and pressing closer, letting them feel the fur on her long coat, her soft long hair, her cool body. No, not warm like theirs or anybody else's, it's cool but not cold, not lifeless like a corpse's. A little thank you slips from their lips. Such a small word, yet so full of sincerity.

Their relationship is a rarity among gods and devils. And surely, it's borderline impossible to find a world when such, at first glance, polar opposites could get along this well, let alone love. Other gods would certainly call Etihw a heretic among heretics.

And they used to be sworn enemies as well, once upon a time. Using all their remaining power, the god once sealed the devil deep underground for a long, long time, hoping to put an end to everything this way. Kcalb, in her desire to take revenge on Etihw for what they did to her, in a fit of rage once destroyed the world, taking the lives of many.

But even these memories loosen their grip when they feel dainty little hands wrap around their torso, also pressing closer, listening to the heartbeat. Because she understands them, knows what they feel.

It hurts her too. Just as much.

Right now, they're just standing together like that in the empty hallway, hugging each other, linked with the chains of the pack, thick and solid, yet they're no longer the same god and devil that once led the Great War. They won't make the same follies, the same mistakes. Their world will no longer know such pain.

Etihw slowly closes their eyes and kisses Kcalb on the top of her head, inhaling the sweet aroma of her long snow white hair.

...If only it could last forever.

* * *

Wow, this fanfic is, like, 3 years old? What? I literally dug it out of my archives just the other day.  
And I think I kind of messed up with the doc upload, so I'm trying again. I'm so very sorry you had to read all that gibberish the first time Q.Q

Hope you enjoyed.


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